Journal

A very quick reflection. Not something that has been mulled over or carefully crafted. These thoughts are rough, with jagged edges. But, I thought others might find this reflection helpful, and so here it is:

2 Corinthians 4:7-9

But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, to show that the transcendent power belongs to God and not to us. We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed.

At times I feel very strong. I have been put here to protect her/him. I have been put here to take on the powers of darkness. I have been put here to witness to the ends of the earth. And I have been given the strength and the ability to do these things.

But then...

But then...

At times I feel so very weak. I am so fragile. Just like a clay pot. One small stumble and I feel my heart break into a million pieces on the hard floor of reality. How can I protect her/him when I cannot protect myself? How can I battle against the evil and sorrow I see and feel? How can I bear a message of healing when I am not myself healed?

I cannot.

And then, I am reminded. This clay pot, this earthen vessel...it was never meant to remain whole. Into this vessel God placed a priceless treasure, a treasure that has been veiled. As I am broken, as my pride cracks into a million pieces, the treasure shines forth. "Not your strength...not you...me. I have given you the gift of my life. Hide it no longer."

Broken, so that me might not be crushed. Broken, so that we might not be driven to despair. Broken, so that we might not be forsaken. Broken, so that we might not be destroyed.

And so, like Gideon's army, I cast down my own clay vessel, breaking it open to reveal the true treasure--the light of Christ.

God is working in me right now. I'm not sure how, or what, or even why. But it is unmistakably that feeling--that terrible, frightening feeling of surpassing joy.

Well, things are starting to settle down a little bit. At least for the next week or so. :) The summer has finally come to a close, and with it the end of summer church programming. I always forget just how busy things can be in a youth program over the summer. Usually I think of the warmer months as a period of reduced activity...dare I say, even 'vacation'? That was not the case this year, at least.

In addition to the summer church activities (like Kids Camp, extra preaching duties, lock-ins, retreats, missions), I've also been busy trying to find a new place to live. I was living in Princeton, subletting a seminary apartment, until this past week. Unfortunately, September was my deadline, and I was promptly kicked out. (That's not really true. I was subletting from a friend who would have been happy to let me stick around for a few more weeks.) I was lucky enough to find a really nice place within my price range (which is admittedly laughable for New Jersey--$500/month). The only problem with the place is that it is an hour commute from the church. That's a pretty big time commitment, and Butch protests the increased work load by stubbornly demanding more fuel. Silly girl. Even though I really love the area of my new abode, I'm still going to be looking for something a little closer. I already have one possibility I'm going to check out in Flemmington on Wednesday. I'll let you all know how that turns out. If I do end up leaving my new place, however, I think I will already miss the beautiful country of northwestern Jersey. I have already decided, even after only being out here for a week, that if I ever come to put down roots in Jersey, this will be the place.

Other than the typical news of keeping busy, I am doing well. I have not been able to write nearly as much as I would like, but that's no surprise. I do promise to post up a few more sermons soon. Right now I'm just waiting to get the CDs from our media guy at the church. I would post the transcripts, but I've switched to an outline approach in my sermon prep. I'll eventually get the sermons transcribed, but not in the near, near future.

Wow, life has been busy. I guess that is to be expected with summer church programs. Last week was VBS, and all this month our church is putting on a summer Kids Camp. Basically, it means church every day except for Saturday. And that is a loose exception. We still have youth activities Saturday evenings. I just made it clear that I would not be planning or leading those activities. I'll probably still come just to hang out with the kids, though. Sabbath is such a difficult thing to keep. But I'm trying to be firm about its necessity in my life.

I will write more later. I think Sunday evenings may become my update time...unless the days during the week start looking a little more free.

Well, here we are. About one month into summer. It's time that I began living up to my promise that I would start blogging regularly. I'm going to aim for twice-a-week, but once-a-week will be the minimum, at least for the next few months. The content will hopefully be varied, mostly focusing on weekly updates of my life in NJ, but also including some church thoughts and short stories that are being developed over at BDWHITE.com

So now for the life updates in fun Presidential Press Conference format:

Mr. President, John Smith from Mundane Magazine; where are you living now?
New Jersey. Subletting an apartment in Princeton for the summer. Will remain in NJ after, but not sure exactly where.

Mr. President, Alberto from Intelligent Inquiry; now that you are a Master of Divinity and Theology, are you raking in the big bucks?
Well, naturally, Alberto. I'm getting a hefty part-time to half-time raise from the church I'm working at (Praise Korean Presbyterian). I'm looking forward to the raise in salary, but even more than the money, I'm looking forward to focusing more of my energies in ministry.

Mr. President, John Smith again; what exactly are you doing at this church of yours?
I don't really have an official title. But, if I were to have a title, it would probably be something like Pastor for the Youth and Children's Ministries. My work right now is pretty focused on the Children's Ministry, but there are plans at the end of the summer to hire someone who is more qualified to be running a program of this size. At that time, I am slated to take over the Junior High youth program (which, coincidentally, was the first position I held at Praise nearly 4 years ago).

Mr. President, Hornet_lvr99 from the twitterverse; we've had many people asking, and we want a definitive answer this time...will you or will you not be attending your 10-year high school reunion this summer?
Unfortunately, the answer to that is that I will not be attending. I know that I really would have enjoyed seeing everyone, but my work schedule has just made it impossible. Primary lesson learned: book your tickets to these types of events early so that you have a strong excuse to bring to your boss when he/she asks you to give up your life during the summer.

Okay, enough of this narcissistic fantasy. Hopefully that helps to answer a few questions some of you might have. Basically, I'm still in NJ and plan to be here for the next year at a minimum. I'm working as a youth pastor. I'll be applying for PhD programs for the fall semester beginning in 2010.

If there are any other questions that I've missed that you really want the answer to (because I know my life is sooo interesting), just leave a comment, and I'll answer it right away. Speaking of which, leave a comment, anyway. I'd love to hear from everyone, especially those of you whom I have not seen in quite a while.

As always, many blessings. Be back next week, when you can expect awesome reporting about our church's VBS!

Already a master of divine things, I decided to take a year and master all things theological as well. This past Saturday, I celebrated my graduation. And even though the pomp and circumstance was truly inspiring, the warmest moments were those when I found myself surrounded by:

mentors both old...

...and new...

...old friends...

...church friends...

...wonderful colleagues...

...but most of all...

...my family.

Because I'm a big geek who is drunk from lack of sleep, here is a lovely graph of my writing output during the month of April (in pages) versus the date:

Can you tell the various days when things were due? :-)

And no, that last spike is not a mistake...I really did write 19 pages in one day. Nineteen pages of Christian ethics. Oh yeah.

The really sad thing is that I have 30 more pages to go before next Friday!

A drum circle sits outside of Miller Chapel today.
An amazing display of solidarity, of tolerance, and Christian love.
The rhythmic drumming filled our minds,
Drawing us closer in communion with our African brothers and sisters.
Swaying, clapping, singing,
Thump Thump Thump Bump
In the midst of the revelry,
Rejoicing in our postmodern perfectionism,
A realization rose up from the beats:
Why is everyone in the drum circle white?

* * *
Once again, it just goes to show--it takes a bunch of white people to think that drums at 11am in Princeton, NJ makes any sense.

Sorry to my African and African American friends and colleagues. We try. We just kind of suck at it.